Want to know the real me?

I'm not a nice person. In fact, I'm downright rude and cruel and ungrateful most of the time. Except that all this happens in my head, and behind a fake smile pasted on my face.

Just so you know, when I'm just smiling at you saying nothing, the inner me is venting forth such venom you wouldn't survive if I said it out loud.

Why do I hold it back, bite my tongue?

Because I don't want to rock the boat. Because it's not worth all the fuss and agony. Because it's just rude. Unbecoming of me to say such things. And it'll hurt you. That's the intent of those words.

Sometimes I hold it back so much I become a pushover. Adoi, sakitnya jatuh.