Patting myself lamely on the back

Breath. In. Out. With relief.

So I passed the assessment. Only JUST. I think my assessors, one of whom is destined to become my future boss once I finish this current project, was more keen to make me pass than I was. The position ‘reserved’ for me in the new company is a higher grade that the one I’m in now, and I know my current supervisors aren’t going to let him hear the end of it if I didn’t make the cut.

I’d prepared a little speech in my head, in case they DID fail me. I would’ve said, in a disdainful tone with a couldn’t-care-less attitude, that with a full-time project and two kids, getting through the assessment was the least of my priorities at the moment. How what’s important is that so far all my projects are performing well (as if I played such a major role in getting it done) and none of my clients have complained. However, as we were nearing the end of the assessment, I was surprised to find how desperately I wanted to get through this. After all the high expectations and wonderful performance of 2004, it’d be a crushing disappointment to fail, not least for my superiors.

Also, I have to admit, my ego did take a bit of a beating. With everyone saying how I’ll get through with a breeze, I almost believed them. Instead my interview outran the allotted 2 hours by 90 minutes. No wonder I feel so drained!!

Some good did come out of it. We’ve acknowledged that I still lack the practical skills to become a well-rounded, competent engineer. And apparently I have a good grasp of the theory and concepts, although I fluffed up a lot of simple, everyday equations. In fact Future Boss seemed shocked when I said that I’d stay in engineering for now.

FB: “For now? What do you mean for now?”

Me: “Well, I have an option presented to me to go into management instead of staying in the technical line, and might decide to take that up in future.”

FB: “What options?”

After I explained to him that I definitely want to stay in engineering to strengthen my technical capabilities, and even if I were to go into management it would be in the technical line, he relaxed.

Sayang jugak korang kat aku ni.