Rindu Semakin Jauh

I think I'm going through the 'Mandi tak basah, makan tak kenyang, tidur tak lena' phase. So far only the eating and sleeping (or lack thereof) symptoms of the 'missing-you' syndrome have manifested themselves, but based on good IPS engineering practices, 2oo3 failures should be enough to trip the system. And boy am I tripping! Not good for maintaining breastmilk supply either. My production rate has dropped by half.

I had been caught up in the excitement of a new baby and coming back to work to notice Hubby's absence for the last month. I've realised that, pre-Sudan job, the longest I've ever been away from him is 3 weeks. And even then we were still in the same time zone, so my leisure time did not clash with his working hours, or vice versa. Right now, several thousand km and 5 hours apart, the distance has finally got to me. It sucks when he calls and our conversation is interrupted by requests to check whether the hydrotest for System 32 has been completed, or whether the Material Requisition for Anti-Surge Valves will be ready in time for the next shutdown. The result of which both the quality of my conversation and my work deteriorates.

One of my colleagues recently had to take a week off because the workload really got to him and stressed him out. He's back at work, looking a bit pale but happier now that we've acknowledged the problem. At least, I hope he's happier because I certainly didn't realised he was that depressed. Maybe I was just too absorbed in my own little world to notice.

It did get me thinking though, whether this is all really worth the effort. Some days I feel all charged up, ready to take on the world and everything life has to throw at me. These are my super-efficient, highly productive moments. Sadly those moments are scarce and far between nowadays. Where it once took me just 3 weeks to produce 4 technical specifications and 13 datasheets, I now take almost a month to produce only 1 document. It doesn't help that the PM is targetting for December to complete the engineering phase!

At times like these I really need my emotional punchbag. It helps that we perform the same job, albeit on different projects, so he understands exactly what problems I have to go through at work. Although sometimes this punchbag tends to swing back and hit me right in the face. Not physically, of course.

I miss the conversations we have over dinner or in the car, even if it's just to fret over Nuaim's latest hair-raising antics (he does a mean imitation of a Hindi movie rolling-on-the-ground scene nowadays) or coo over Nu'man's dimples. There are also other things that you just want to talk about in person in private, not via YM in an office environment. And definitely not in a blog with everyone else reading in.

15th August is such a long way away...