There's no place like home

I am just so tired of all this.

Come this Thursday, I would have been working in this industry for almost 64 months. Out of that period, I have spent almost 30 months away from home on attachment to project sites around the country, mostly on the East Coast. In my first two years, I was away for a stretch of 14 months (although I still come home on weekends or long holidays).

By far, this current attachment is the shortest (I've been here since the last week of March) , but I think it's the one that's taking the biggest toll on me. Maybe because my circumstances have changed so much since the last time. All the other projects were during my single days, where I relished hanging out with equally single friends after a hard day's work. What was even more fun was all the extra income from my outstation allowance. Dian the Engineer was an icon of the modern successful woman in a man's world.

Nowadays, I come back too tired to spend good quality time with my family. My body aches, I am irritated, and I talk of nothing but work and all the associated problems that come with it. Having spent the whole day away from me, my son looks forward to me picking him up and showering him with kisses as I come in the door, but I quickly hurry away to wash off the dirt and grime collected from the construction site. I shut my ears to his forlorn wailing, close my eyes against the image of him straining away from the maid towards me with his arms outstretched. My husband takes the night bus from KL every week, despite his fear of their reckless speed, only to see me spend the weekends at the office or on site.

They deserve more than just Dian the Engineer. All Nuaim wants is Dian the Mother who coos with delight and pride when he tries to say 'FISH' and ends up with 'PIH'. All hubby wants is Dian the Wife who dolls herself up just for his sake and no one else's. All Mak wants is Dian the Daughter who is willing to spend a few hours over tea listening to her share her grievances that she keeps so well hidden from other people.

This weekend, at least for only 3 days, Dian the Engineer will step behind the curtains and let Dian the Wife-Mother-Daughter take centre stage.