Celebrating Motherhood

A couple of days ago, I met up with several friends for lunch. We normally do have lunch together, but after the restructuring our HOme Office was relocated to Dayabumi so our little 'clique' was kinda broken up.

One of them, I was having lunch with for the first time since she'd given birth early last Ramadhan. Two others were glowing first time mothers-to-be. Another is still on maternity leave. While we were lunching, another former colleague came by who had also just returned from delivering a baby boy.

I'm older than them (the lunching ladies, not the boys) by about two or three years. I'm also the first to have kids, so automatically I was designated Resource Person and Agony Aunt regarding motherhood and sometimes, career. It was wonderful to hear the new mummies sharing their experiences, their eyes lighting up whenever talk goes to the topic of their babies. Overall they seem to be having the time of their lives. Yup, nothing like having children to put them on top of your priority list. I mean, Nuaim's already 2 and a half years old and I still can't stop talking about him.

It reminds me of the time I had a chat with another friend, who was caught in a career-vs-motherhood dilemma. She had put off having children to concentrate on her career, but is planning to start soon. At the same time, a wonderful career opportunity has presented itself to her, involving a faraway location. It's the kind of break anyone would want, the kind I myself craved a couple of years ago. Her husband, however keen he is on having children, is not so keen on the idea of having children in that part of the world. When she asked my opinion, I think she already half-guessed what my answer would be. Of course, had I been single, I'd have signed the papers and grabbed the flight tickets immediately. But getting married introduced new principles in life, and having children strengthened them even further.

Firstly, however 'modern' and career-minded I may appear, as a Muslimah the first thing I tell myself is I am working only because my husband allows me to (and also if he didn't we could hardly afford this kind of lifestyle, and it's nowhere near the annual-overseas-holiday type either). My husband's blessing is important to me. Besides it's also a contractual requirement when I accepted that scholarship 13 years ago.

Having a husband, and hence a family, also means that whatever career decision I make requires me to factor them in. How easy would it be to maintain the family unit? What kind of environment will the kids grow up in? What facilities are there? Some working arrangements that would've appealed when I was young(er) and free(am I less free now) just simply don't fit in anymore.

And you know what? I'm not complaining.

And this, my dear friend, is the most important bit.

You may feel right now, and other people may feel, that once motherhood comes in you have to sacrifice the bigshot career option. The sigh that says 'look what I had to give up just to bring a snivelling baby into this world'. I hope, when you do have children, that you never, ever have that thought.

Because when you come home from work, or even give up that corporate career completely, and you look at that wide toothless grin or hold that snivelling baby in your arms at night, you'll realise that the jetsetting corporate career world pales in significance. Trust me on this.

And giving up on something so insignificant hardly warrants being considered a sacrifice, right?