Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone

I watched 'Me, Myself and Irene' on Astro recently, and somehow that line stuck. For those not in the know, the movie was about a really nice guy, Charlie, who has been suppressing all his anger until it manifests itself into a second personality called Hank who thinks he's really cool but isn't (the line is his). It's one of Jim Carrey's less successful movies, I think, and the above line is about the only really memorable thing about the movie. But I'm writing it here just so that I don't forget it.

It's PPA time again...

The last week has been really hectic. I've forgotten how preparing yearly appraisals can be so time consuming and mind numbing, and couple that with a project that seems to run into trouble at every corner (and this project is like a myriagon - so many corners but you end up just going in circles like a headless chicken) - by the end of Wednesday I already felt like I've been in a high-speed tumble dryer. And I still had two days to go through.

The PPA is supposed to consist of a Performance Plan at the beginning of the period (April), a mid-year review in October and a final review and Appraisal in March the following year. One is supposed to list down all the objectives and KPIs at the beginning, and work towards that objective. It actually makes sense - if you set your target to complete a project in 5 months, and it actually took you 4, then you've exceeded your target, you get a better appraisal, right? The problem is, no one actually sits down to properly plan their performance at the beginning, and when you're first assigned to a project you're still not quite sure what you're supposed to deliver - especially if it's a PMC job and it's already in the construction phase, and you know you've got a less than competent contractor to work with. I mean, no way you can score a 2 (Exceeding Expectations) there, can you? Maybe if I put my KPI as 'surviving this project with my head intact', I might just manage a 3 (Meeting Expectations).

And what about that proposal that I spent 9 months preparing? I started it in April, had to go to site, collect documents, do some pre-engineering before actual project kick-off - when the client decides to shelve it because the project cost was above their budget. Does that mean I failed, just because my proposal (which was as tight as a newborn baby's rectum) went over the initial half-baked cost estimate that only considered major mechanical equipment but not all the other systems modifications and structural work?

And this time around I'm supposed to quote actual behavioural demonstrations of people and business skills, like Initiative and Relationship Building. Well, I married a colleague and had a baby, so does that count? But I married him last year, so can only consider baby this time...

When the bough breaks, the baby will fall...

Okay, baby wasn't exactly rock-a-byeing on a tree top, but he did fall off the bed in his sleep. Actually I wasn't sure if he was asleep. It was past 1 a.m., and after a nappy change around midnight, Nuaim was simply too restless to fall back into a deep slumber. He kept tossing and turning, and kept scratching the back of his head - I think he must be allergic to something I ate that got through into the milk. His poor Ummi, on the other hand, could hardly keep her eyes open. In the end I thought Sod it. I'm going to sleep. Nuaim can toss and turn until he's too tired and falls asleep all by himself.

Next thing I knew I heard a scream, and woke up to find him missing from the bed. I found him on the floor at the end of the bed (How did he get THERE?), fortunately not visibly hurt.

Tonight, he doesn't sleep on the bed with me anymore. He's in a cot all by himself.

Poor boy.

Baby tidur buas la...

Ever heard the phrase 'sleeping like a baby'? What image does it conjure up in your mind? Probably of a cherubic face, eyes closed, dimpled cheeks pressed against a blanket with soft contented sighs emanating from cupid's bow lips.

Not my baby boy. Because I'm still breastfeeding, his baby cot is pulled up directly next to our bed with the side panel removed, so that I can just pull him up close to me when he wants a night feed. Now at 9 months, Nuaim tosses and turns in his sleep. Most of the time my husband and I would be squeezed in one half of our queen size bed while Nuaim rolls over from his cot. Other times, he'll be kicking against my tummy to gain leverage while he executes a 90 or 180 degree turn, all in his sleep. I've caught him in a sort of mid-role pose with one arm outstretched, like a snapshot of an Olympic free-style swimmer.

Maybe he'll grow up to become an Olympic gold medallist like Ian Thorpe. Anything but an engineer, darling - although he does seem to exhibit the strongest interests in techie stuff. Aiyoo... how to discourage him aah?

My two boys are napping. I've had the last two hours all to myself, and I'm supposed to be completing some work I brought home from the office - but I have a feeling it's going to be late on Sunday evening before it actually gets done.

THIS is why I should never bring work home. There are too many distractions around me - the book I've been trying to read, the VCD I've meant to watch, and the TV programmes that usually fill up other people's weekends. But I really, really have to finish this piece of work that's due Monday morning, and this is the best time to do it.

Well, go do it then.

Fine, I will.

Acting some more...

I had to go on stage today. Haven't done that for ages. I thought I could escape acting as I'd already prepared the script and all, but no...

We are participating in a regional Quality-sharing forum in March. One of the events lined up is a series of sketches by the various units and subsidiaries of the parent Company. The sketches are supposed to display quality practices relating to work.

This event is usually a competition, and the winner of the regional sessions would slog it out at the biennial group-wide forum to emerge as THE winner. But this year, the organising committee decided to change it into a 'SHARING' forum. It will just be a showcase, not a competition anymore. When we were first informed of this change, it did put a slight damper on the team's spirits. After all, when we won the competition at our unit's own Quality Day, we all started dreaming of winning the BIG one and maybe get a mention by the President himself (company punya, not Bush). That would look good in anyone's yearly appraisal.

Today we had to go through an assessment by the organising committee. Again, we thought that it was a screening to select only four out of the seven entries in total. It turned out to be a sort of rehearsal cum coaching session, just to make sure the sketches are acceptable enough to be presented (we don't want to go around offending other people, do we?) and also for the committee to decide on the presentation schedule. (Apparently 3 will be presented during a formal dinner, while the other 4 will be during the forum itself).

We decided to put up our best anyway. The committee rep said it had to be a live performance, this assessment, so despite our busy schedule we still put in rehearsals during our lunch breaks. Nevermind that two of our cast had to go outstation at the last minute, and I had to replace one of them with only two practice sessions. Nevermind that two other units, who couldn't make it to the assessment, only sent in videos of their sketches.

In the end, I think we put up a commendable performance, and our efforts to get stand-ins for the missing cast members put us in a good stead with the assessing committee. So much so that the committee leader actually sought our opinion as to which sketch to present during the dinner.

One of the teams did the whole presentation on video. I thought it was very well done. The editing and shots were superb, so much so that it invoked envious remarks from some other groups who snidely claimed it must have taken tens of thousands of precious RM to make, when it only cost 50 bucks! Just goes to show there's a lot of hidden talent within the Group. Maybe we should start producing our corporate advertisements inhouse...

Two days to go

I've been in Kerteh for 10 days now. We traveled on the 1st of February (that was another public holiday for Federal Territories) on the new Karak-Kuantan highway, but I didn't see much of it because I dozed off. And I've been working every day since the 2nd of February, supervising and inspecting some tie-in and modification work at a Gas Terminal in Kerteh.

For the uninitiated, that means putting on hard hats and one-piece coveralls (mine is a bright neon yellow, because the blue flame-resistant Nomex type was too large for me), walking about in heavy safety boots (also at least 1/2 size too big, but fortunately high-cut so they don't slip off my feet) and cycling around the plant under the hot sun with sweaty construction workers wolf-whistling at you. And before anyone starts picturing tall, hunky men with glistening muscles - NO, they don't look like that in Malaysia. Picture a bunch of thin, dark-skinned Kelantanese or Terengganu men (with a few Filipinos sprinkled here and there for the 'masyarakat majmuk' factor) in dirty, ill-ftting coveralls and that's more like it.

Yesterday being a public holiday (today and tomorrow as well), I'm not quite in the mood for working. I'm supposed to do 12-hour shifts from 7.00 a.m. to 7.00 p.m. everyday, but yesterday I decided to come in at 8.00 a.m. instead. Breakfast at the resort where I'm staying starts at 7.00, so that was my first stop. Bad decision - I should have just given it a miss and bought breakfast at one of the roadside stalls for a more wholesome meal.

Nothing really happens at site till 8.00 a.m. anyway. And by the time I sauntered in an hour later, there was very little progress beyond where we had left off the day before.

But today I decided to be good and punctual. I'm going to be the first person in the plant, so I can start shouting to the workers about being slow. Show them who's the boss. As I walked past the canteen, fully decked in safety gear and pulling my bike along on the gravelly path (I don't want to ride my bike there and fall flat in front of everyone), one of the other Inspectors called out to me.

Dian, tak boleh masuk site lagi lah. Tengah buat RT. Pukul 9 baru siap. (Dian, you cannot enter the site yet. There's an RT going on till 9 o'clock)

Duhhh.

So much for showing who's the boss.