Nocturnal Thoughts

I'm having trouble sleeping.

Since I started my confinement this has happened three or four times already, where I spend the night bloghopping or playing Sudoku online till the wee hours of the morning. In fact throughout the past week my earliest bedtime must've been 2 a.m. I don't know what keeps me awake - I think it's the heat. Somehow the days feel cooler. Maybe because at night the windows are closed to keep the mosquitoes at bay, and the room gets all stuffy. The jamu and heaty confinement diet must be really working this time round - I don't even use a blanket anymore.

Of course, I make up for the sleep during the day. Usually, after breakfast and barut perut, I'll breastfeed Aiesyah while lying down and that'll get me to slumberland in no time, all the way to lunch.

Last night and tonight I managed to go through all the blogs listed on Sentraal Station. And for some reason I felt the urge to find out what's happened to someone I knew from a long time ago, so I googled the name. I think it was something my husband said on his post about Allahyarham Shahrol. Something about maintaining Silaturrahim (close ties). Which I have to admit is something I'm not good at.

When I was in my first year at university, someone from my accommodation hall stated this observation about me: "You're a drifter. You don't have a specific group of friends you're particularly close to, but you move around."

I don't know whether he meant it in a positive or negative light, or whether it was just a statement of a fact, like 'the sun is round'. I remember thinking what made him say that, but I guess it must be true. I had different 'best friends' at different stages of my life. Throughout most of primary school, I had a close group of friends from the same class, then moved on to a new best friend in Standard 6. At the beginning of Form One, in the two weeks I spent at SMDU before I left for boarding school, I became close friends with another girl with whom I shared an avid interest in Acis of Gersang. I have not been in touch with them for a large number of years already.

And then in boarding school I made new friends, and as I moved through the different classes, dorms, debating teams and so on, so the number and personage of 'close friends' varied.

After leaving boarding school, I drifted apart from some of those cliques, and formed deeper friendships with others who were previously mere acquaintances. Studying in the UK opened up a whole new world of friendships. And now, as a career woman with a family of my own, I have drifted again.

I must say I never intended to stop being friends with anyone - except maybe with a couple because I was so hurt when they never replied my letters from boarding school (I was a homesick 13-year-old, okay? Over-emo at that time.) I always had the best intention to keep in touch after the parting, and I normally do keep up the correspondence for a couple of months, even sometimes up to a year, but fail miserably to sustain it. Out of sight, out of mind.

Oh yes, there are all those excuses. Work that takes me out of town, being married, etc etc etc. But that doesn't stop other people from maintaining their friendships. I think deep down I've actually created some emotional barrier that won't allow anyone to get too close for fear of being hurt. It gets lonely, though.

Would it be so difficult to pick up from where I left off? Can I still laugh at the same jokes, share the secrets, or have we become strangers amongst ourselves that we can only afford a polite greeting and the perfunctory Hari Raya SMS that is sent en masse to everyone in our address book?

Okay, I didn't actually see this post going into this direction, but since I've written it, here goes.

It was noon...

...and I was taking a nap with Aiesyah when you entered the room. Somehow you looked quite fresh, despite the fact that you were due to arrive in Khartoum yesterday and must have had to take a return flight to KL almost immediately.

When I asked why you came back, you told me that the Project Manager did not want you to be present at site under the current circumstances.

"What circumstances?" I asked.

"The Prime Minister is there visiting the project."

"Oh, okay." Somehow your answer made perfect sense then. And it was almost time for lunch.

Only five minutes later did I realise it was all just a dream.

Missing you.

Bila dah boring tu...

...mula la buat kerja yang bukan-bukan.

Like actually doing work during my Maternity Leave. As in what-I-normally-do-at-the-office kind of work.

Yes, it's getting to me. Hubby's on his way back to Port Sudan, and hopefully this time when he says he'll finish by March 2008, he really will finish the job by then. Apparently things are slated to progress after a long hiatus - during which Hubby spent his time honing his swimming and fishing skills to advanced level in the Red Sea. I've been cajoling him to agree to a plan that the Boss and I devised that could keep him in KL for at least another month or two (after all, I had to leave in the middle of a job which is sorely lacking a Senior Engineer in my absence), but he had other ideas involving the desert landscape of North Africa and copious amounts of USD. Oh, and something to do with a metering skid. Dok kat KL pun bukannya dapat apa, bini pun tengah dalam pantang asyik kena marah je.

I got bored having no one to talk to or argue with. Well, most of my conversations with Hubby are (to my perspective, at least) one-sided anyway, which Hubby translates as nagging. Aiesyah sleeps most of the day, Nuaim is always cranky and demanding for impossible things, while Nu'man just wants me for my handphone or laptop. The books I bought earlier do not interest me anymore, I merely flip through them without actually reading anything.

So there I was, surrounded by Raya cookies I cannot eat, typing away at a Design Guideline that, based on the original schedule, I should submit by the end of this week for review. I doubt that I'll finish it in time though, and I doubt that my reviewers will be concerned by my tardiness. It's not as if anyone else actually has the time or resources to prepare their Guidelines. Well, for what it's worth, it keeps my mind on something. After all there's only so much Sudoku one can take in a day.

And I am wasting precious cyberspace with this meaningless drivel. Hey, at least it doesn't cost as much as a space mission.

What is it with Malaysians and Food?

First of all, congratulations and Alhamdulillah on the safe return of Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor from his space mission. I must admit I missed the live telecast of the landing, and have not been following the all the live interviews and video-conferences either.

I did manage to catch one video-conference on TV, the one with Science, Technology and Innovation Minister Datuk Seri Dr Jamaludin Jarjis. Datuk Seri JJ asked our cosmonaut how his experiments were coming along, to which the hensem doctor replied was going well. The programme host then asked our Angkasawan about the ISS crew's reaction to the Malaysian food he had brought up in space with him. Towards the end of the programme, the Soyuz flight commander, Yuri Malanchenko was invited to speak as well. Again they asked him what he thought of the food.

The next day, VIP guests on the programme were none other than Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and his wife, Datin Seri Jeanne Abdullah. I didn't watch the programme, but Mak did. Apparently, the PM asked about the status of the experiments, and his wife asked the good doctor if he was eating well.

Come on people, isn't there anything else you can ask the guy? Why the preoccupation with gastronomical entities? And why couldn't anyone elaborate on the experiments beyond the basic 'Yes, I've started the protein crystallisation, and tomorrow I'll start on the cancer cells.'?

I was hoping that someone could elaborate on the actual objective of conducting those experiments in space. I mean, what do the scientists hope to achieve, or what technological breakthough might they lead to? Why perform them aboard the ISS and not just in a lab on Earth? The closest I got to a satisfactory answer to these questions were from a comment on another blog. (see comment written by Penjaga Cacing Angkasa on 2007-10-02 21:21:51)

To me, it seemed that the politicians were trying so hard to justify sending our man into space by repeatedly stressing that Dr Sheikh was conducting these scientific experiments, but they themselves did not seem to be fully aware of exactly how important those experiments are. Or maybe they do know but think that the Malaysian public are too ignorant to understand or care. Or maybe it's the media that thinks so. Or it's just the media people that failed to understand therefore did not bother to highlight it to the masses. Or it's all top secret no one but the scientists who devised the experiments know the details.

Whatever it is, I'm still rooting for newly promoted (congratulations!) Mej. Dr Faiz Khaleed for the next mission.

Al-Fatihah

On Monday morning, I received an SMS from a friend informing me that someone we both knew had passed away. He was my age, and the three of us were among 28 students who were awarded scholarships to study in the UK in January 1994. Hubby knew him too, back from his university days, and we had also worked in the same company for a couple of years, although in different departments. A quick check on the office website confirmed the news. I don't know for certain what is the cause of death, but apparently he suddenly had difficulty breathing in his sleep, which lead to his demise.

This is the second time in as many months that someone I know passed away under the same circumstances. It's shocking, that someone whom otherwise is fit and healthy should suffer a (seemingly) premature death in his early thirties. It makes you realise how meek and helpless you really are, and you just never know when the Grim Reaper is coming for you. Yet here I am still squabbling with Hubby about hoarding stuff in the closets. We really should get our priorities straightened out.

Wan and Shahrul, may Allah bless your souls and place you among the righteous. Al-Fatihah...

Aiesyah's Aqiqah

Last Saturday, Mak hosted the Aqiqah ceremony for her first grand-daughter. She decided on a pink theme, as 'it's a girl this time,' so right from the start Aiesyah is subjected to gender stereotyping (me and my equal opportunities sensibilities!).

The caterer was booked before Hari Raya, and on Friday the workers arrived to set up the marquees with white and pink trimmings. Mak bought fresh pink roses to decorate the house, and Cik Azim was tasked with the flower arrangements. When Nuaim arrived home from Alor Star with his father, brother and grandparernts later that night, he was amazed to see all the preparations. "Bapak nak kawin dengan Ummi ke?"

Everyone was to wear pink the next day. The pink dress Cik Azim bought for Aiesyah fit her perfectly, and we found a hairband among some of the other gifts to match. Nuaim put up a bit of a fit initially (he hates pink) but finally relented, after his favourite grape-coloured baju melayu got all wet from playing with the fish.

The event started with a 'ladies only' marhaban and zanji session at 10.00 a.m. At 11.00 a.m, other guests started to arrive, with Ustaz Ariffin giving a short tadabbur of Surah Maryam. This was followed by the Tahnik, which was also performed by the kind Ustaz.

The food, apparently, was really good. Being on a strict pantang diet, I couldn't partake any of it, although I managed a wee bit of the mutton a'la kuzi gravy (which was absolutely delicious, BTW). For the next baby, I'll insist to have the Aqiqah after the customary 40-day confinement. After all, as Ustaz Ariffin said, what's important is to perform the Aqiqah, the timing itself is secondary (although highly recommended to have it on the 7th day).

Another part of the Aqiqah ceremony also involves Cukur Jambul i.e. cutting or shaving the baby's hair. We didn't have time to do it prperly on Saturday except for a few snips during the marhaban, so Aiesyah got her new haircut on Sunday morning instead.

Pretty pink roses in a vase, surrounded by pretty little fish.

Aiesyah sound asleep on 7 layers of songket, surrounded by ladies reciting the marhaban and zanji. Check out the bling-bling.

A Hari Raya cake (thanks Auntie Sofie!), ketupat daun palas (all the way from Kelantan), kuah kacang and nasi impit to capture the raya mood. After all, it was the 8th day of Syawal.

Nu'man attempting to lead the Zuhur prayers.

Aiesyah being treated to the 'Tok Wan Special' while Bapak holds her steady. Tok Wan has always shaved his own grandchildren's hair and insists on the old-style razor to do the job.

Confinement Countdown

15 days down, 25 days to go.

It's gonna be a long one.